First read a commentary based on Claire Tomalin's The Unequalled Self

Secretive Passages in Chronological Order

In cooperation with my colleague Prizzlesprung, who is sifting the Diary again for secretive passages, we present the following:

| 1660-1665 |

1666

| January 5th | February 20th | April 18th a | April 18th b | June 3rd | June 15th | August 5th | September 10th | September 12th | October 10th | November 10th | November 11th | November 28th | November 30th | December 2nd | December 3rd | December 14th | December 18th | December 21st | December 23rd |

| 1667 |

• January 5th, 1666
Pepys finds the combing of his hair an erotic grooming experience ...
“ …. I had great satisfaction herein; so home, and to my papers for lack of company, but by and by comes little Mrs. Tooker and sat and supped with me, and I kept her very late, talking and making her comb my head; and I did what I will with her et tena grande plaisir con ella,(took great pleasure with her) tocando sa cosa con mi cosa, (touched her thing with my thing) and hazendo la cosa per cette moyen. (made me ejaculate?) So late to bed.”

• February 20, 1666
“After that done, and gone and kissed the mother in bed – I away to Westminster-hall and there hear that Mrs. Lane is come to town. So I stayed loitering up and down, till anon she comes and agreed to meet at Swayns; and there I went anon and she came, but stayed but little, the place not being private. I have not seen her since before the plague. So thence parted, and rencontrai a her last logis (met her at her last lodgings), and in that place did hazer what I tena a mind para faire con her (did what I had a mind to do with her).”

• April 18,1666
…“So to Westminster and there at the Swan got a bit of meat and dined alone, and so away toward Kings-street; and spying out of my coach Jane that lived heretofore at Jervas my barber’s, I went a little further, and stopped and went on foot back and overtook her taking water at Westminster-bridge and spoke to her; and she telling me whither she was going, I over the water and met her at Lambeth, and there drank with her, she telling me how he that was so long her servant did prove to be a married man, though her maister told me (which she denies) that he hath lain with her several times at his house.
There left her, sin hazer alguna cosa con ella; and so away by boat to the Change and took coach and to Mr. Hales, where he would have persuaded me to have had the landskip stand in my picture; but I like it not and will have it otherwise, which I perceive he doth not like so well – however, is so civil as to say it shall be altered.” …

• April 18, 1666 (further adventure ...)
….”And to my house, where they had been but were gone; so in our way back again, met them coming back again to my house in Cornehill, and there stopped, laughing at our pretty misfortunes; and so I carried them to Fish-street and there treated them with prawns and lobsters; and it beginning to grow dark, we away; but the jest is, our horses would not would not draw us up the Hill, but we were fain to light and stay till the coachman had them draw down to the bottom of the hill, thereby warming their legs; and then they came up cheerfully enough, and we got up and I carried them home; and coming home, called at my paper ruler’s and there found black Nan, which pleases me mightily; and having saluted her again and again, away home and to bed – apres ayant tocado les mamelles de Mercer, que eran ouverts, con grand plaisir. (after having touched Mercer's breasts, which were uncovered, with great pleasure)”

• June 3rd, 1666
….”I to St. Margaret’s Westminster, and there saw at church my pretty Betty Michell. And thence to the Abbey, and so to Mrs. Martin and there did what je voudrais avec her, both devante and backward, which is also muy bon plazer.”(and there I did what I wanted with her, both forward and backwards, which is also my great pleasure)

• June 15th, 1666
….”So to the office, and thither came my pretty widow Mrs. Burrows, poor woman, to get her ticket paid for her husband’s service – which I did pay her myself, and did bezar her muchas vezes – and I do hope may hereafter have mas de su company.”

• August 5th, 1666 (further adventure ...)
….”Lords day. Up, and down to the old Swan; and there called Betty Michell and her husband and had two or three long salutes from her out of sight of su marido, which please me mightily.”

• September 10th, 1666 (further adventure ...)
….”“…. But by and by comes Brother Balty from sea, which I was glad of; and so got him and Mr. Tooker and the boy to watch with them all in the office all night, while I, upon Janes coming, went down to my wife; calling at Deptford, intending to Bagwell, but did not ouvrir la porta como yo did expect. ….”

• September 12th, 1666
….”“Thence to Martin, and there did tout ce que je voudrais avec her, and drank, and ...∑
"So we back home, and then found occasion to return in the dark, and to Bagwell and there nudo in lecto con ella did do all that I desired; but though I did intend para aver demorado con ella toda la night, yet when I had done ce que je voudrais, I did hate both ella and la cosa; and taking occasion from the uncertainty of su marido's return esta noche, did me levar; and so home late to Sir W.Penn

• October 10th, 1666
….“…. I heard a little of his sermon, and liked it, but the crowd so great, I could not stay; so to the Swan, and baisai la fille and drank, and then home by coach and took father, wife, brother, and W. Hewer to Islington, where I find mine Host dead.”
[The editors say “la fille” was perhaps Sarah Udall, of the Swan, New Palace Yard.]

• November 10th, 1666
….”“…. We got well home; and in the way I did con mi mano tocar la jambe de Mercer sa chair. Elle retirait sa jambe modestement, but I did tocar sa peau with my naked hand. And the truth is, la fille hath something that is assez jolie. ….”

• November 11th, 1666
….”…. Anon to church, my wife and I and Betty Michell, her husband being gone to Westminster. Here at church (God forgive me), my mind did courir upon Betty Michell, so that I do hazer con mi cosa in la eglisa meme. ….”

• November 28th, 1666
….”“Thence home, and there comes my Lady Pen, Pegg, and Mrs. Turner, and played cards and supped with us, and were pretty merry – and Pegg with me in my closet a good while, and did suffer me a la besar mucho et tocar ses cosas upon her breast – wherein I had great pleasure, and so spent the evening; and then broke up, and I to bed, my mind mightily pleased with the day’s entertainment.”

• November 30th, 1666
….”“…. Only, I did go drink at the Swan, and there did meet with Sarah, who is now newly married; and there I did lay the beginnings of a future amor con ella, which in time may come para laisser me hazer alguna cosa con elle. Thence, it being late, away; called at Mrs. Burroughs mother’s door, and she came out to me and I did hazer whatever I would con su mano tocando mi cosa; and then parted and home; and after some playing at cards with my wife, we to supper and to bed.”
[the editor provides, “Sarah Hammond, nee Udall]

• December 2nd, 1666
….”“…. Away round by the wall and Cowlane, for fear it should break again, and in pain about the coach all the way. But to ease myself therein, Betty Michell did sit at the same end with me, and there con su mano under my manteau, I did pull off her cheirotheca and did tocar mi cosa con su mano through my chemise, but yet so as to hazer me hazer la grande cosa – she did let me hazerle sin mucho trabaho. Being very much pleased with this, we at last came home; and so to supper, and then sent them by boat home, and we to bed.”

• December 3rd, 1666
….”“…. I left her with my wife, and away myself to Westminster-hall by appointment, and there found out Burroughs; and I took her by coach as far as my Lord Treasurers, and called at the Cake-house by Hale’s, and there in the coach eat and drank, and then carried her home – with much ado making her to tocar mi cosa, she being endeed very averse a alguna cosa of that kind. However, time can hazer-la, the same as it hath hecho others. So having set her down in the palace, I to the Swan, and there did the first time bezar the little sister of Sarah, this is come into her place; and so away by coach home, where to my Vyall and supper, and then to bed, being weary of fallowing of my pleasure and sorry for my omitting (though with a true salvo to my vows) the stating of my last month’s accounts in time, as I should. ….”
[the Editors say the little sister was named “Frances”]

• December 14th, 1666
….”“…. I out to the Bell Taverne, and thither comes Doll to me and yo did tocar la cosa of her as I pleased; and after an hour’s stay away, and stayed in Westminster-hall till the rising of the House, having told Mr. Eveling, and he several others, of my Gazette which I had about me, that mentioned in April last a plot for which several were condemned of treason at the Old bayly for many things; and among others, the a design of burning the City on the 3rd of September. ….”

• December 18th, 1666
….”“…. I to see Mrs. Martin, who is very well, and intends to go abroad tomorrow after her childbed. She doth tell me that this child did come la meme jour that it ought to hazer after my avoir ete con elle before her marido did venir home. And she would now have done anything cum ego; and did endeavor, but su cosa stava mala, which did empescar. Thence to the Swan, and there I sent for Sarah and mighty merry we were, but contra my will were very far from hazer algo.”
[there is an accent acute over each “e” in “ete”]

• December 21st, 1666
….”“Lay long; and when up, find Mrs. Clerke of Greenwich and her daughter Daniel. Their business, among other things, was a request her daughter was to make; so I took her into my chamber, and there it was to help her husband to the command of a little new pleasure-boat building – which I promised to assist in. And here I had opportunity para besar elle and tocar sus mamelles, so as to make mi mismo espender with great pleasure.”

• December 23rd, 1666
….”“Lords day. Up, and alone to church; and meeting Nan Wright at the gate, had opportunity to take two or three besados, and so to church, - where a vain fellow with a periwig preached, Chaplin (as by his prayer appeared) to the Earl of Carlisle. Home, and there dined with us Betty Michell and her husband. After dinner, I to White-hall by coach, and took them with me; and in the way I would have taken su mano as I did last time, but she would in a manner withhold it.”

“…. But this took me so much time, and it growing night, I was fearful of missing a coach; and therefore took a coach, and to rights to call Michell and his wife at their father Howletts; and so home, it being cold and the ground all snow, but the moon shining. In the way, I did prender su mano with some little violence; and so in every motion she seemed para hazer contra su will, but yet did hazer whatever I did hazerla tenerle et fregarle et tocar mi thigh; and so all the way home, and did doner ella us gans para put on encore – she making many little endeavours para oter su mano, but yielded still. We came home, and there she did seem a little ill, but I did take several opportunities afterward para besar la, and so goodnight.”

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